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Best Lil Chathouse 1
Good Times Gazette

Vol. 5 Ed. 9
(Part 2)
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(Part 2)
From the CootieGrax Files
A Prayer for the Stressed
Think About It...
Why Star Wars is Better than Titanic



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From the CootieGrax Files...
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Collards is green,
My dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "Snuff"
right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in the crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well , I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those
far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
yore age, it keep hidin'.

Me'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive, " I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explan, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds.....
IT"S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!

That's it for CootieGrax.........a poet and didn't know it!

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A prayer for the stressed.....
submitted by Firebir314

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today
As they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work....12% on Monday, 23% on
Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Fridays
and help me to remember.....
When I'm having a really bad day,
And it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
That it takes 42 muscles to frown
And only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.



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Think About It...
Submitted by Anonymous

Mae Rambo wrote: Think about it!!!!

Whoa! What in the world is happening with our kids today? Let's see...I think it started when Madalyn Murray O'Hair complained that she didn't want any prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you had better not read the Bible in school-the Bible that says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said, OK.

Remember Dr. Benjamin Spock, who said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem? And we said, OK, we won't spank them.

Then someone said that teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. And our administrators said whoa, no one in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued.

Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and we won't even have to tell their parents. And we said, that's a grand idea. Then someone else said, let's give our sons all the condoms they want, so they can have all the "fun" they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents. And we said, that's another great idea.

And then some of our top officials said that it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. And we said, as long as I have a job and the economy is good, it doesn't matter to me what anyone does in private.

So now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill.
Probably, if we think about it long and hardenough, we can figure it out.

I think it has a great deal to do with "we reap what we sow".
Whoa! What a concept!

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Why STAR WARS is better than TITANIC
also submitted by Anonymous

Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.

Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.

Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.

Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is
just marriage bait.

Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.

When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.

It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a
lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.

Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters.
Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.

Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.

We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancée
like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.

Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?

Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut.

Two words: John Williams.

There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.

Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"?

If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.

"I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."

We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated "Luke... I am your
father"?

Han Solo would've missed the dang iceberg!

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:::shakin the Etch-A-Sketch again:::
Next... Part 3!