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Best Lil Chathouse 1
Good Times Gazette

Vol. 5 Ed. 9
(Part 1)
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(Part 1)
A Word From Me
Kat's Kraziness

(Part 2)
Think About It...
Why Star Wars is Better than Titanic
Stuff You Should Know

(Part 3)
Seen in BLCH1
From the CootieGrax Files
BLCH Hosting Schedule
Credits


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A Word From Me

~*~Happy Fourth Gang!!!~*~

How's your summer going? Hope yer all bein good out there

While preparing to move and call a new place home, I came down with tonsilitus But things are lQQkin' much much brighter. Next month a certain scaley and green editor is tying the knot with a certain Kissin' Contest winnin' Elfie that we've seen in our humble little chatroom Geez... I wonder... does this mean I hafta grow up now? =O

L'amour

See ya all next time!

Todd <~soon to be Mr. Elfie ;)~

ps. Kat has been a big help gathering material for this issue for me in my absence, and she wants everyone to know it!!

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** »^..^« Kat's Kraziness »^..^« **
by KRAZEK0001


Ok Gang, it's joke time once again....

The Modern Granny

The old rocking chair is empty today,
For Grandmother is no longer in it,
She's off in her car to her office or
shop,
And buzzes around every minute.
No one shoves Grandma back on the shelf;
She's versatile, forceful, dynamic,
That isn't a pie in the oven, my dear,
Her baking today is ceramic.
You won't see her trudging early to bed,
From her place in the warm chimney nook.
Her typewriter clickety-clacks through the night,
For Grandma is writing her book.
Grandmother never takes one backward look
To slow down her steady advancing,
She won't tend the babies for you anymore,
For Grandma has taken up dancing.
She isn't content with crumbs of old thought,
With meager and second-hand knowledge,
Don't bring your mending for Grandma to do.
Grandma has gone back to college!


Last Will of A Farmer

I leave:
To my wife - my overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.

To my banker- my soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.

To my neighbor - my clown suit. He'll need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.

To the ASCS - my grain bin. I was planning to let them take it next year anyway.

To the farm advisor - 50 bushels of corn to see if he can hit the market. I never did.

To the junk man - all my machinery. He's had his eye on it for years.

To my undertaker - A special request. I want six implement and fertilizer dealers for my pallbearers. They are used to carrying me.

To the weatherman - rain, sleet and snow for the funeral please. No sense having good weather now.

To the grave digger - don't bother. The hole I'm in should be big enough.

To the monument maker - set up a jig for the epitaph, "Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all of his obligations."


Some things to think about

The good old days are made even better by poor memories.

A temper is a valuable possession, don't lose it.

Communication in the home is not improved by loud speakers

No matter what happens, there's always somebody who knew it would

Parents who are afraid to put their foot down,
usually have children who step on their toes.

Even if you are on the right track you will get run over if you just sit there.

Life is like a mirror; we get the best results when we smile at it.

Careful grooming may take 20 years off a woman's age;
but it won't fool a long flight of stairs.

The secret to life is not to do what one likes, but to try to like what one has to do.

Life is like a bicycle-stop pedaling and you fall off.

While money isn't everything, it does keep you in touch with your children.

You cannot keep trouble from coming but you needn't give it a chair to sit on.

The man who says it can't be done is liable to be interupted by someone doing it.

Even worse than a storm or riot, is a bunch of kids who are suddenly quiet.

Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.

"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."

"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.

"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the
morning and again at night."

"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"

"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."

*Submitted by Chris

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The
tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows" The woman responded,
"No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting
in the cubicle next to me is under a window,and his is working fine."

Tech Support:
"OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons
I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it
was meant to..."
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a
filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [click]

Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my
spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on File, then New Game."
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having problems:
the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. It seemed
strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half. I walked her
through the basics, then went over and printed out a test sheet. It
printed fine.
I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the printer. As the
paper started coming out, she yanked it out and showed it to me. I told her
to wait until the paper came out on its own. Problem solved.

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for
about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't
solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine,
which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and
yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green
printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow.
I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and
reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help;
they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was
about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when
she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper
instead of this yellow paper?"


A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech
support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the printer."
On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the
screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.


And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the
opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that
the click buttons were difficult to press. She was very embarrassed when we
asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.

Customer: "Hello? I'm trying to dial in. I installed the software okay, and
it dialed fine. I could hear that. Then I could hear the two computers
connecting. But then the sound all stopped, so I picked up the phone to
see if they were still connected, and I got the message, 'No carrier,' on
my screen. What's wrong?"

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows
installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer."
Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the
little act of piracy slide.
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"
Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized."
Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"
Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would
you like to initialize it?'"
Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank.
And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive;
the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for
the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and
our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the
class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and
switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing
and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the tutor
over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen.
The tutor tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor
and quaking red-faced. I typed, "Leave me alone!"
They both jumped back as this appeared on their screen. "What the..." the
tutor said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!"
It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation
between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc.
Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer, and fell out of my chair laughing.

This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every
time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in
capital letters.
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

Email from a friend:
"CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"

My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a
young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms
crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he
noticed that she was still in the same position, only now, she was
impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied
"It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"

*Submitted by Chris

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with a recipe.

There were three guys sitting behind three nuns at a football game.
The men decided to antagonize the nuns, to get them to move. So the
first one says to the others (loud enough for the women ahead to hear), I
think I want to move to California, there are only 100 Catholics living
there...The second guy speaks up and says, I want to move to Washington,
there are only 50 Catholics living there...The third guy speaks up and
says, I want to move to Idaho, there are only 25 Catholics living
there...One of the nuns turns around and looks the third guy in the eye
and calmly says, "Why don't you go to hell, there aren't any Catholics
there."

Remember to send me your jokes! As long as they're printable.

KRAZEK0001
That's all for now, I'll Meow at ya later
Meeoow ;-)

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:::shakin the Etch-A-Sketch:::
on to Part Two! :)