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Best Lil Chathouse 1
Good Times Gazette

Vol. 5 Ed. 8
(Part 2)
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(Part 2)
Good Luck Tantric Totem
Get Out the Kleenex
A Great Recipe
An Important Message!



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Good Luck Tantric Totem
submitted by Firebir314

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

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Get Out The Kleenex...
Submitted by Anonymous

"Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Valentine," like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.
She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?
"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"
The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.
There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...
"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.
I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.
When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.
Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again."

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A Great Recipe
submitted by Anonymous =O

"Better World"
4 cups of love                5 spoonfuls of hope
2 cups of loyalty            2 spoonfuls of tenderness
3 cups of forgiveness        4 quarts of faith
1 cup of friendship            1 barrel of laughter

Take love and loyalty,
mix it thoroughly with fate
Blend it with tenderness
kindness and understanding
Add friendship and hope,
sprinkle abundantly with laughter.
Bake it with sunshine.
Serve daily with generous helpings.
Serves all.

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Important Message
also submitted by Anonymous =O

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Tennessee Edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Tennessee. You have one of the Tennessee editions, you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Tennessee edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note the "Recycle Bin" is labeled "Outhouse", "My Computer" is called "This Infernal Contraption", "Dial Up Networking" is called "Good Ol Boys",

"Control Panel" is known as the "Dern Dashboard," "Hard Drive" is referred to as a "four-wheel drive," and the floppies are "them little ole plastic disc thangs."

Other features, instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape. Terms are defined as the following:

OK = ats aww-right

Cancel = hail no

Reset = awa shoot

Yes = Shore

No = Naaa

Find = hunt-fer it

Go to = over yonder

Back = back yonder

Help = help me out here

Stop = ternit off

Start = crank it up

Settings = sittins

Programs = Stuff at does stuff

My Documents = stuff I done

And some MORE options, upgrade, general stuff:

The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

The keyboard is camouflaged.

There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

The password is "Bubba."

The numerical keypad only goes to six.

"Winders 98" has Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.

Outgoing faxes automatically have beer stains on them.

The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.

The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.

The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label and Old Milwaukee options.

Jeff Foxworthy *.wavs

The monitor is up on blocks.

Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.

Deer jerky in the desk drawer.

The screen saver consists of picture of Ned Beatty with Dueling Banjos playing in the background.

The six front keys have rotted out.

John Deere Pocket Protectors.

Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Tennessee edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

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:::shakin' the Etch-A-Sketch again:::
Next... Part 3!