| Subj: | BLCH1 Good Times Gazette - May (part 3) |
| Date: | 5/23/99 |
| To: | DRAGONZfyr |
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Best Lil Chathouse 1
Good Times Gazette
Vol. 5 Ed. 8
(Part 3)
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(Part 3)
Birthdays
Kat's Kraziness
Stuff You Should Know
Seen in BLCH1
BLCH Hosting Schedule
Credits
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Here we go with another month of the Birthday Boys & Girls!
MAY BIRTHDAY GIRLS & BOYS
5/9 --> MsJare 5/21 --> Beorn00 5/24 --> AMKammerer
5/14 --> RobertG339 5/21 --> JasGibson1 5/27 --> PowderFox
5/16 --> SPhappy 5/23 --> Kaarie2349 5/30 --> Lisagoofy
5/11 --> Tntaurus1 5/14 --> Vandamn777 5/31 --> KRAZEK0001
5/28 --> JSLASH <---My hubby
˜˜˜˜˜˜ Háppy ßïr†hDáy †õ ÿøü¸ Háppy ßïr†hDáy †õ ÿøü¸ Háppy ßïr†hDáy †õ «¤«¤«¤ Ms, Rob, Sp, Beo, Jas, Kaa, Amk, Pow, Lis, Tnt, Van, Kat, Slash ¤»¤»¤»
Háppy ßïr†hDáy †õ ÿøü...!!!!!! ˜˜˜˜˜˜
ÌÌ íí ÌÌ íí ÌÌ íí ÌÌ íí ÌÌ íí
ll ll ll ll ll ll ll ll ll ll
ll ll ll ll ll ll ll ll ll ll
\/©©©©©©©©©©©©©©\/
\/‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰\/
\/ööööööööööööööööööööööööö\/
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\/øøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøø\/
\/‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰‰\/
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ÜÜ ÜÜ ÜÜ
Have a GREAT day & ENJOY!!!!
Just a reminder ...If you do not see your name in the Birthday column, it is not because I forgot you, I do not have you on my list!! So e-mail ME & I will make sure you are not left out ever again!! Thanks guys & see ya'll next month! ;-))
This is...............TeeBabe1 ø¿ø.......
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** »^..^« Kat's Kraziness »^..^« **
by KRAZEK0001
Ok Gang, it's joke time once again....
Sample of George Carlin's witticisms.
1) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2) One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3) Atheism is a non prophet organization.
4) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7) Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8) If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9) If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - is he still wrong?
10) If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11) Is there another word for synonym?
12) Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
13) Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14) What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15) If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16) Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17) Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18) If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20) Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21) If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22) Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
23) How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
24) Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25) What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26) I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we are.
27) Why do them call them apartment rather than togetherments?
28) Why do they call it a freeway if you have to pay a toll?
29) Why do they call it a driveway when you park on it?
30) Is it really possible to be fine and dandy?
The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. . . .
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
recipient who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.
*Submitted my My Mother-In-Law and Nikki9934
Ghandi
Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. Even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was quite a spiritual person. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.
He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis
*Submitted by CootieGrax
Y-to-K problem
Date: Mon, 15 Feb 1999 20:06:19 +0000
Subject: Y-to-K problem
Priority: normal
Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August,
September, October, November, December
As well as:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await your direction.
Submitted by my Mother-In-Law
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible.
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year
olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief)
Submitted by my Mother-In-Law, Nikki9934, Linda and others
Remember to send me your jokes! As long as they're printable.
KRAZEK0001
That's all for now, I'll Meow at ya later
Meeoow ;-)
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~Stuff You Should Know~
Reporting Scams in Email: forward to TOSEmail1
Reporting Scams in Email w/attached files: forward to TOSFiles
Asking Questions Concerning a TOS: TOSGeneral
Compliments/Criticisms regarding a Host: HostMgr
Want to become a Host? Go to Keyword: LEADERS
Reporting Problems in a chatroom: Keyword: NOTIFY AOL
And don't forget you have an Ignore Feature! ;)
Want to be Added or Removed from the Gazette mailing list?:
email DRAGONZfyr w/Gazette in the subject line
(: Seen in BLCH1 :)
By DRAGONZfyr
Due to a technical difficulty
(¯`'·.:)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯)
BLCH Hosts Schedule
Want to know when your favorite host is hosting? Not always sure when they are scheduled to host? Well here ya go -- the weekly schedule for the entire Best Lil Chat House!!
BLCH-1 HOST SCHEDULE
| Sun. | Mon. | Tues. | Wed. | Thurs. | Fri. | Sat.
10am-12pm - - - - - - -
6 - 8pm - - - - - - -
8 - 10pm - - - - Shadw - -
10 - mid KitKat - - - - - KitKat
mid - 2am - - - - - - -
BLCH HOST SCHEDULE
| Sun. | Mon. | Tues. | Wed. | Thurs. | Fri. | Sat.
10 - noon - - Season - Stan Season -
noon - 2pm - Hugz Most Most Most Hugz -
2 - 4pm - - - - Myth - -
4 - 6pm - - - - - - -
6 - 8pm - - Myth - - - -
8 - 10pm - Neeki Steev - - Steev McDnld
10 - mid McDnld - Buddha - - - -
mid - 2am - - - - - Buddha Buddha
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That is all for this week!!
Have a great two weeks and happy chatterin' to ya!!
Remember, if you have an idea for a column for the Gazette
or just want to make a comment,
please send me DRAGONZfyr an e-mail!!
»§«,¸¸,.·´¯`·.,¸¸,.·´¯`·.»§» ,¸¸,.·´¯`·.,¸¸,.·´¯`·.»§«
Credits
TeeBabe 1 - Birthdays
KRAZEK0001 - Kat's Kraziness
JasGibson1 - Editorial Opinion
CootieGrax - CootieGrax Files
Freeklet - Freeky Bits
DRAGONZfyr - Seen in BLCH1
& Anything Else
additional Credits
Way2Freeky - Proof Reader / Waterboy
Freeklet - Official Mascot for the Gazette :)~
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:::shakin' the Etch-A-Sketch one more time:::
That's All Guys!