| Subj: | BLCH1 Good Times Gazette (part 1) |
| Date: | 3/10/99 6:25:11 PM Central Standard Time |
| From: | DRAGONZfyr |
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Best Lil Chathouse 1
Good Times Gazette
Vol. 5 Ed. 5
(Part 1)
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Contents....
(Part 1)
A Word from Me
From the CootieGrax Files
(Part 2)
Birthdays
Kat's Kraziness
(Part 3)
Seen in BLCH1
BLCH Hosting Schedule
Credits
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| Happy St. Patricks Day |
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\|/ Happy §†¸ Þa††ÿ’s Ðaÿ !
A Word From Me
with Guest Editorialist TanaDaBomb
Some of you regulars on America Online seem to spend an extrordinarily amount of time signed on. It has come to my attention that you may be ignoring certain hygiene procedures. This is for you.
With the alarming rate of members that are failing to bathe, you can now be "Sure" that a "Ban" will be placed on new members wishing to sign up for AOL. When you "Dial" up your account, please remember that before you type on those "Ivory" keys, you need to be "Right" and "Guard" the rest of us from unpleasant odors. I understand that you use "Zest" to sign on quickly, but please consider the others that may have to endure those lingering smells that emulate from your chair. It is no "Secret" that we "Coast" through the internet looking for special friends, and sometimes we use "Suave" comments to entice them, but if you ever get a "Close Up" encounter with that special "Brute", rely on the "Gleem" in your eyes to win them over. An example might be if you were to take a trip to Arizona, an "Arrid" climate where it feels like the sand is as hot as "Lava" on a typical "Summers Eve", or possibly visit an "Irish Spring" to strike up a relationship with some "Old Spice" that you once courted, you can use this advice. Try to "Scope" out others online who may need this information. We can all benefit from the famous actor, Robert "Mitchum" immortal words, "At the "Crest" of your existence, pull the "Lever" of life and except "No More Tears" for what the maker may deal you." So in concluding remember this, use "Speed" and "Stick" to your guns, but keep yourself clean.
(¯`'·.:)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯)
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From the CootieGrax Files...
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25 Things Women Want To Hear In 1999
1. Gee Sweetheart, let's skip dinner tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is you.
2. Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.
3. Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.
4. Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it's one thing I hate it's skinny women.
5. What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.
6. How about I give you a nice massage and foot rub. I really don't like sex that much anyway.
7. You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn't seem to have the brain power that I find so attractive in a woman.
8. What a break, I won a prize on the radio station.... tickets to either the super bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!
9. XXXXXXXXXXXX Oops, X-rated!!!
10. Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it's freshly mowed.
11. While you're up Sweetheart, can you get me a glass of water. I think I've had enough beer.
12. Shoot, there's nothing on TV but football games. Let's go furniture shopping.
13. There ought to be a law against those porno movies. Can you believe that there are guys that would actually want their wives to do those things they show?
14. Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.
15. I'm getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?
16. You know, I think I'd really prefer the four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.
17. Look at that... disgusting. Why would she wear a short skirt like that with no panties?
18. Golly I think we're lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.
19. My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.
20. If the guys call and want me to go to that new strip club with them, tell them I'm busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.
21. You know Sweetheart, I'm really glad you don't like doing all those dirty things they write about in those stupid sex advice columns.
22. Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.
23. If you're looking for me later, I'll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.
24. You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough.
25. Why don't you relax this weekend. I'll take care of the cooking and housework.
That's it for CootieGrax............saying, "Yea, rightttttttttttttt! Like that's gonna ever happen!"
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Today......just a series of quickies!
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like, night
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and
going the wrong way.
28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
36. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of
the bread.
38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability
to reach it.
39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
is research.
40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
That's it for CootieGrax......still entertaining the masses!
(¯`'·.:)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯):)¸.·'´¯)
:::shakin my Etch-A-Sketch:::
on to Part Two...