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** »^..^« Kat's Kraziness »^..^« **
by KRAZEK0001


"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript

Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their
command pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through
our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
[Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen]
Riker: "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?" [puzzled look]
[Data turns to answer] "Allow me to explain. We will send this program,
for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once
inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an
unstoppable rate."
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough.
Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none
will be available for their normal operational functions."
Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric
shape' idea."

. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

Data: "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
command unit and, as expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."
Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade'
to compensate for their increase."
Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we have missed."
Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not
sending in their registration cards.
Riker: "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency
escape sequence 3F . . .
Geordi: [excited] "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
suddenly dropped to 0% !"
Picard: "Data, what do your scanners show?"
Data: "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
Picard: "Let's wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
functionality."

. . .Two Hours Pass. . .

Riker: "Geordi, what's the status on the Borg?"
Geordi: "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
Picard: "How much time will that buy us ?"
Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time
span of 6 more hours."
Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
Picard: "Identify."
Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"
Over the speakers: "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"
Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
Riker: "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the
Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of
deep space ?!"
Data: "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
twenty-first century man as doe-skin leather briefcases, and wearing
Armani suits"
Riker and Picard together horrified: "Lawyers !!"
Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling
into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
Data: "True, but apparently some must have survived."
Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all
types of papers."
Data: "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape'. It
often proves fatal."
Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
Picard: "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch. Not even the
Borg deserve that."

The End

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KRAZEK0001
That's all for now, I'll Meow at ya later
Meeoow ;-)